Unjustice

Remember how funny my cankle looked? Well, it is STILL funny, so funny in fact I can't walk without a limp and can't see mountain biking in any near future. In the words of Lorenzo Lamas, "NOT".

At least I got me a gel cast and a negative X-ray today. Called my friend Charlie to keep any and all creeps away from my vulnerable hoof until it's back to solid state.

Purple Cankles

Some things are good for my ankles, but soccer is not one of them. Like Momma always said....."rub some 'Tussin on that damn shit!"

Outer Foot

Inner Foot

I gotta spend the next three days in rivers gimping around like a wino. Can't complain about a trip to Arroyo Seco though, even if it is for class and we aren't camping overnight but driving back and forth both days. What the hell has happened when geology students don't camp overnight in the field, or even have gear for it? As an undergrad I might have been too hungover to process any new information, but at least I was there sipping brandy by the campfire. Dropped more than more share of "Come Sail Away" songbombs on my fellow students too.

Condor is the new Spirit Wolf

Snuck off to Pinnacles National Monument this weekend for a well-deserved day and a half break from the working sucker life. Our third trip there, and after getting shut out for California Condor viewing the first two, we got a snoot-full and a half this time. We watched a flock of 8 or 9 buzzing around and over our heads for about 2 hours Saturday.

Katie for scale

I could link to some good photography with telephoto lenses, but who needs that when you can see how a standard digital camera rolls. Pictures don't do their size justice at any rate.

Messing around in the talus caves

Modern day Atlas

Grade A harassling

Purdy as a vulture

Forget it Jake.....it's Shawtown

Friday. 4 pm. The kind of hour that working stiffs the world over dream about all week long. Not me though. You don't stay in the private dick racket by taking weekends off, and you sure as hell don't look forward to idle time when you got problems like mine. Alimony, taxes, high-arched feet....you name it, I've lived it...twice. Not to mention the owner of the firm, a real Dick, has been breathing down my neck all week about my lack of progress. I'd like to see him handle some of these mugs I'm trailing. Can't wait for the day I give ol' Oney his.

4:15 the phone rings. I stub out my cigarette into the overflowing coffee can and pick it up. Frantic voice on the line.....something about an underpass and a bad man with a bad plan....and a dame. Dammit it sounds like a setup, but I'm a sucker for the dames. One of these days they'll be the death of me, but not today. I gotta get even before I get dead.

I hop on my clunker and head up the ravine. Aguajito is a mess, rich people driving around in nice cars. Should have been my first sign to turn around. These kind of people shouldn't be here. Not now.

I get to the first bridge, right before the hospital, and a hunch tells me I'm about to drum up some business. Underneath the bridge something catches my eye. A plastic bag. I've seen this before, and I swore I could smell that scorched motor oil.

A closer look and it wasn't a body. But what it was sent chills down my spine. What kind of a sick fuck leaves moldy garlic bread for me to find? Where's the dame? And why do I kind of want pasta for supper?

On to the second bridge, where I knew it was Showdown City. I parked the Cross-Check out of site and tipped my bicyling helmet squash hat to cover my face. Something in the same bridge corner as the garlic bread grabbed my eye. A closer look.......and there she was! The dame looked a little roughed up, but was double bagged (our man is a confirmed Safeway shopper), and most importantly had beers.

Some days I don't even know what side I'm on anymore, but once in awhile, for that slimmest of moments, I remember how I got into this mess in the first place. Big things. Things like Justice. Dames. Cycling. Screaming down hwy 68 with yahoos driving the shoulders through corners. So if you see me out there, say a little prayer for me. And God help the day that comes when I finally catch the cat that's been shitting in my garden.

Cold Front

No dammit, you're not even listening to me, I said COLD FRONT.

Ok that's better. The morning temperatures here have been sniffing near the crack of frozenness this week, and I for one am not used to it. All that nonsense about growing up in winterland doesn't mean you don't get cold, although people wearing coats and/or biking with facemasks here when it is 60 degrees is another story.

What kind of a world do we live in when a grown man can't hop on his excessively nice road bike, don his nancy spandex tights, and put on a silly headband without getting a chill?

The ol' Pike in the sweatshirt trick

Don't you ever change, west central Wisconsin...........

Contest-winning fish smuggled in sweatshirt

By Theresa Schneider
Leader-Telegram staff

Something smelled fishy at Saturday's Somerset Youth Athletic Association Ice Fishing Contest at Bass Lake: the former winner's sweatshirt.

Lee Shehow of New Richmond, crowned the winner of the contest Saturday, may face criminal charges after admitting to smuggling in the fish to win the contest, keeping it alive in his sweatshirt during the tournament.

Shehow, 38, won Saturday's contest with a 2.42-pound northern pike. Suspicions were raised about Shehow's fish, leading to an investigation, said SYAA spokesman John Montpetit.

Shehow later disqualified himself and gave up the keys to the contest's grand prize, a $27,000 Dodge Dakota pickup truck.

The contest began at noon Saturday. At about 2:30 p.m. Shehow went to the weigh station with his pike.

Undercover investigators at the tournament questioned Shehow's actions. Montpetit said a primary concern was that Shehow bought water at a pace that was inconsistent with what a normal person would drink on a 14-degree day.

Shehow's sweatshirt also was soaked when he turned in his fish to the weigh station.

During the investigation Shehow admitted he hid the pike in his sweatshirt, keeping it alive and later registering it at the weigh station. Montpetit said he could not discuss where the fish came from, but said Shehow admitted to having aquariums in his house.

While no criminal charges have been filed, the case still is under investigation, Montpetit said.

The truck was given Tuesday afternoon to the second-place winner, 26-year-old Monica Slimmen of La Crosse, who caught a 1.72-pound northern pike.

Efforts to contact Shehow on Tuesday night were unsuccessful.

Schneider can be reached at 833-9203 or 800-236-7077.

Return of the Revenge of Rainy Friday Nights

David Lynch has some awesome hair and talks about using ants and dead rats to make paintings.


Jack Nance at 50 looked like he's 80 and is a good example of how something so innocent sounding (drinking yourself to death) can go so wrong. Funny guy, didn't seem real different from Pete in Twin Peaks, which makes him damn near perfect in my book.

The highlight was Dean Stockwell talking about Dennis Hopper and Blue Velvet. He knew Dennis in real life, and knew just how crazy he was going to play Frank Booth, so he came up with the Ben character being even weirder than Frank. Don't forget, Ben's THE MAN.

Nude Fatties on the Beach

The lady and I crept up to Ano Nuevo on Monday, which is home to a large (the largest?) rookery of elephant seals every winter.

Started off with a stroll through the redwoods, found a couple of the best guys I know, Newt and Banana Slug:




Don't let the pictures fool you, these guys love being hassled.

This picture looks like I just spent 45 minutes "stocking tubes with Ruckus in the shop basement". Not sure where that face came from.


After our stroll we went to check out the seals. They are maybe the craziest beasts I've seen. They spend half their life diving several thousand feet down in the middle of the ocean for fish, and the other half laying on the beach.





After the pups are weaned, they bunch up in "weaner pods" as seen below. Pups who take multiple mothers become "super weaners" and grow fatter than the other pups, and basically become aggressive dicks.

A group of chuckleheads on our tour couldn't resist asking our elderly guide "how big do the super weiners grow?" She just gave him the straight answer, I think she was secretly pissed she didn't think of it first.

Out of my goddam tree

It's February, I'm working about 50+ hours a week, taking a class at the local university on stream geomorphology for about another 10 a week, and working in mountain streams seems a lifetime away. Of course, they will probably all be on fire this spring anyway, what with the whole "no rainfall" deal here. So if you see me rolling in to your local Arby's and try to pull some "sorry sir, breakfast is over, no cinnamon sticks for you" bullshit, don't say I didn't warn you:

In lighter news, being around undergraduates never fails to amuse. Get stoked to hear about some warehouse parties in Marina and some professors being "haters".

ThunderJet...but the soul still burns

Two members of the original Council of Thunder have left for Stump Town and the third rat bastard has taken up residence in Pacific Grove as the official sloganeer:


But in times like this, sometimes there's a man, or maybe less a man than a mirage made from bubba smoke, teflon-taped bottom brackets, and rebuilt Campy shifter pride. Either way, big props to Stoner Dave aka Sketch Brah aka The Man who Wasn't Not Blacked Out when he rode his bike into a small river. Thunder Jet 15 - Quinceanera (15! - that can't be right) is coming this weekend to a frame-building shop on the north side of Madison near you. Stunt that shit, boys.

Laser Eyes

Going in for LASIK surgery today....operation Dud to Stud commence!

Carrot and Stick

Carrot


Stick


Donkey

I'm talkin CONFLICT

Who hasn't slapped the back of some woman's head while they're biking on the Pacific Grove Bike Path Multi-Use Thoroughfare of Joy?

Of course, it hasn't yet gotten to the urban warfare levels of Madison, but I'm thinking about going down to the path this afternoon to try to outsprint some roadies. Perfect time to stretch out my new t-shirt from Twin Six...

Happy Thanksgiving, You Disgusting Man Animals

Travelling Oroville Villain

The closest I'd ever been to a methtown was hearing D*Pow talk about Kalamazoo, MI, but after a week near Oroville, CA, I can surmise that it's meth's kinda town. If I wasn't travelling and had my own computer, you would certainly see the above picture improved by hack-level additions of "Here be methheads fucking in the campground bathrooms" and the whole of Lake Oroville turned a red, toiling mess of chemical confoundary. Anyway, it's hard to do this place justice, but let me introduce you to some of Oroville's finest:

Vietnam Vet Guy

Rolled into our campsite around 7 on Saturday night, out for his "daily walk". Luckily, he bothered my coworker Matt (studying for the GRE) and not myself (sipping a beer, doing a crossword). He was crinkling his empty Busch Light can like a madman, seemingly trying to breath new life into it. Next thing we know, we learned all about Asian volcanoes, debris from Lassen Peak's last eruption, and how "the service" taught him how to be safe in a fire: "Just take a deep breath and run in". Likely the same advice given to the troops in 'Nam for navigating hookers. Guy left after he saw a truck slowly driving through the campsite, he proceeded to talk to that guy for about 15 minutes.

Meth Master Bathroom Groovers

A second batch of co-workers showed up late Sunday night, and Allison ventured to the bathroom. Unfortunately for her, what was labeled a bathroom was actuall a public-sex venue, and naked meth master came running out after her after she accidentally barged in.

Meth Master: EXCUUUUUUUSE ME!

Allison: (backs away)

MM: EXCUUUUUUUSE ME!

Allison: What the fuck?

MM: Well, Iiiiii'm sorry (sarcasm dripping like mouthsores)

Allison: I accept your apology, learn how to use a lock (walks away).

The next morning, before I heard about this exchange, I was a little disgusted by the socks under the sink and the cig rubbed out on the floor. Now it makes perfect sense.

Meth Master #2

Guy had some shitty terriers tied to a tree, and told us jokingly to watch out for one of them, "he's a real terror!" By terror, he must have meant that it was going to bark all fucking night long and keep me from getting more than 2 hours of sleep. I know, bad owners, not bad dogs....but still, fuck 'em. Guy told Matt that he and his ol' lady were going into town later, with "my buddy Jim and his girl, we're just going to jump around, ya know, jump around town." Guy had some real fidgety hands, no devil's playground here.

Meanwhile, I was down at Miner's Ranch Saloon to catch Monday Night Football featuring God's Team, The Pack. Here I met....

Lynchian Old Person Folk Band

These guys weren't on the pipe, but definitely on the old. They consisted of two men and one woman, all over 70, playing mandolin, slide guitar, and vocals. You can imagine what people who can't hear sound like when playing an instrument like a slide guitar. Still, I give 'em props for rocking at that age, I hope I'm doing something remotely creative at that point.

Barwench

I liked her style, she kept my drinks filled and gave me a basket of peanuts. She eventually grabbed a handful for herself, and the regulars said something about it, to which she replied "can't a woman eat her nuts in peace?" As expected, the reply of "I'd like to see that!" and "HAR HAR HAR" rang out. She mentioned how excited she was to go see Kid Rock on Saturday...twice. Then she played some Kid on the jukebox, I was pretty excited to have that fucking Cowboy song in my head for a day. I should have asked her if she had any Joe C...."3 feet tall, with a 10 foot dick!"

Reglar 'Merican

Lots of drunk talk from this guy to another pair of regulars, the highlight was when he said "California hands out felonies like Halloween candy!" to the agreement of the other pair. He'd only been in California "a couple months" before he got his, but it was all the fault of "that goddam bitch ex-wife a mine....but you guys have heard that story enough already." I should have piped up that I'd love to hear it, but didn't. I can only imagine the trumped-up charges that were involved, and I'll bet it was her loss to lose such a star. He kept saying he was just going to have one more, cause he had to go home and cook dinner for his dad....."sausage, bacon, biscuits, eggs, Texas Toast". "Oh yaaaa, my dad always liked breakfast too".

TieDye Meth Master

This guy was a real force, he tore up the joint with a quickness. First he bitched about the headlight on his motorcycle probably goddam ground fucking cops man one time gave him a ticket for riding his bike home from the bar.

Barwench: So, you talking to your brother yet?

TDMM: Yeah....if I see him (in a foreboding tone)

Barwench: You talking to your uncle yet?

TDMM: Yeah....if I see him (in a foreboding tone)

My man drank 2 screwdrivers, played a game of pool against another guy, and shot the balls around by himself, all in 15 minutes. Then he left, which prompted Barwench to comment "he's on something". Yeah.....LIFE!

Old Pill Master

OPM: (walks in w/ cane, leaves backpack by bathroom, comes out of bathroom, searches for backpack for 10 minutes, asks Barwench the time)

Barwench: 8 pm.

OPM: Give me a screwdriver.

Barwench: (pours drink that is 99% OJ, 1% vodka, gives it to OPM. Mentions out of earshot that he) "takes too many pills.....mixes em up!"

I don't know which of these characters was the most depressing, but I gotta say it made the people watching interesting. I really should have brought my camera to the bar, next time I'll know.

Last hurrah in the Sierra Nevada

Leaving for the mountains again for two weeks tomorrow, should be my last field work for the project I've been on for a year and a half. I'll miss being paid to explore the mountains, no doubt.

Last time up I wrangled ol' Matterhorn Peak, which left me sore for 3 days.

Here's a pic from below:

And atop, with Kris:

There was a drop of several thousand feet on one side of the summit, gave me that roller coaster stomach feeling:

I'm hoping to climb White Mountain next Friday, should be a nice long solo hike to let my brain think about the important things in life......

Guaranteed to Satisfy

I'm off to the mountains for 2 weeks, and I'll be damned if I'm not going to sneak some mountain biking time in between the field work. Mammoth Lakes may be a yuppie resort clowntown, but they got some dirt there.

Sounds like there is a heat wave rolling into Central California tomorrow, and for that there's only one known cure......

Bored on a Thursday

A rare sighting this morning, a boombox stroller rolling up my quiet street! If you could see this lily-white near-retirement community I live in, you'd be as surprised as I was. Perhaps if I work from home more often, and keep a camera at the ready, I'll be able to capture my Eardley Ave. favorites:

• The elderly asian couple who walk their dog, the man always is walking at least 20 feet behind the lady (w/ dog), and they always cross the street over to my side at the same place. Heads down, please.
  
• The urban hiker, a 50 or 60 year old gent who rolls around in fully backpacking gear, with an apparently full backpack. Good style, guy.

Fires are ragin' down here, this picture doesn't do them justice, but the Big Sur complex is slowly making its make up the coast and toward the lab.