Planet Hayden

Imma little overweight, and my blogbook's way behind

2010-01-08T22:18:00.000-08:00

See that volume slider over to the right? Crank it. See your stereo? Crank it, sit back, and let that woodblock at 0:44 set your soul free

Hey Hanrahan!

2009-08-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

Oh, you said Murphy-Hanrehan. Going back to the land of fresh water and seasons over Labor Day. Looking to slide into some singletrack near the wedding in Apple Valley, MN. No time for Levis-Trow, dammit. Now to locate a bike to steal.....

White flight

2009-08-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

Moving on up, to the Ceeeeeeee-Side! Fed up with the dickery of renting and the solitude of Pacific Grove, we pooled our scraps and up and purchased a home within easy access to burritos, bowling, grand lagunas, and ability to mtb with a quickness. We got a real nice weird Ed for a neighbor, I am looking forward to his tutelage but I'll miss chain-smoking Tammy and the newish halfway-house neighbors who freestyled about crack cocaine early one Sunday morning.

A cure for the Monterey Malaise

2009-08-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

Black Francis plays one hell of a solo show, which my comrades and I took in on Friday night down at the Henry Miller Library in Big Sur. I know my perspective is a little skewed from being piss-poor at going to shows lately, but still one of the better shows if seen. Hippie bullshit aside, there is a little "magic" down in the redwoods.

Listen to them screams!

We've been hitting the bikes hard lately, and another ride at Ft. Ord just wasn't an exciting prospect, so on Saturday we ventured to Pine Valley in the Ventana Wilderness area (aka the Scene of an earlier blog post involving toxicity, Clarence Carter, and singing Ween around the fire until 6 am). Good old sub-24 hour camping trip, had our household weekend activity cake and ate our wilderness too.

Little burn evidence but not too bad

Avert the gorgon's gaze!

Aww.....(maybe this cancels out the previous porn-related post?)

A Visit from Thee Porn Fairy

2009-08-07T21:30:00.000-07:00

The inspiration for this post happened several weeks back, and since a robust 22 % of the google visitors to this blog were searching for either "beach fatties", "fatties on the beach", or "nudefatties", I feel a little guilty at not posting this smut earlier. My bad for titling a post about elephant seals "Nude Fatties on the Beach". I really feel terrible for the bait and switch on that post, guys (and girls?).

Anywho, there is a porn fairy on the loose in Pacific Grove. The truck parked down the street got some nice windshield-wiper decoration, our sweet Prizm was gone so everything got dropped straight on the curb.

BUTTMAN has arrived in Pacific Grove, "America's Last Home Town". I for one welcome Buttman to our fair burg, and can barely wait to see his costume for "Good Ol' Days".

Happy 4th!

2009-07-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

The recumbent riders have taken over the asylum, and they are wearing clown makeup. (seen in downtown Monterey out of my car window)

4th of July is just one day closer to the death of my 20's

2009-07-02T19:22:00.001-07:00

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens . . .
-Jenny Joseph

I like her style. Looking forward to tomorrow's return of a certain lady who keeps my life from nonchalance. I'll be working tomorrow on a Federal Holiday.....so if you enjoy the freedom of marine spatial knowledge....thank a NOAA veteran.

106 Degrees

2009-06-28T19:11:00.000-07:00

Spent the weekend with some San Francisco friends at Don Pedro Reservoir, and holy snakes that is some hot weather. The kind of heat that leads 'Mericans to sit in parked cars with the engine on, blasting the AC, while camping. I do believe that is the solution to global warming, or at least it's a step in the right direction.

These pictures were mostly taken for the pleasure of D*Pow, who walks that thin line between car-free biking lifestyle and roosting the shit out of a mudhole on a dune buggy.
Making sure your dirt bike makes that angelic "BRAAAAAAAAP" sound. Over and over and over again. Tell you what, the BRAAP SHOP certainly put Hilmar on the map.

I would have loved to get a pic of the mulleteers at the next site over who owned this boat....but I also didn't feel like getting beaten to death 4 times for my troubles. Imagine the 80's and the dudes who ran game in the auto shop classes. Dan, I told them that you were interested in just such a boat, but it sounds like they need at least 2 of your Quads and and a sack of ditch weed in order to seal the deal.

Un bon croquis vaut mieux qu'un long discours

2009-06-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

Leaving Terrific Grove

2009-06-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

Nothing like working yourself sillier for 6 months to earn a nice vacation, so off to Boise for 5 days and Portland for 5 more I went. Good times were had, including:

-A certain Mitch Giggles Ph. D helping to accelerate a near-streetfight by giving a bunch of cokey Boise residents Bruce Lee's patented thumbs-down to the face move. The bad guys left in handcuffs and our crew were left confused why the dudes felt so keen on staring down and getting in the face of a bunch of big ol' Wisconsin rowing and rugby dudes. A near miss for the next day's groom.

-a couple of days riding on the 8th street trails...Sidewinder and Crestline ring some bells. Hard climbs and fast descents, not so easy to climb when the little ring had a one chainsuck per revolution ratio. Didn't realize it had a gnarly tooth until I was done, so it goes when you borrow bikes.

-whitewater rafting on the Payette. Looks like I'm about to get clocked with paddle here:

-hiking at Eagle Creek to Tunnel Falls trail in Portland:

The night before Breezy had described the trail and drop-off as "precipitous". About 2 seconds later I had proclaimed Eagle Creek to be a figment of his imagination, and that it was actually just the name of some chewing tobacco he had seen. Turns out we were both right.

-Mountain biking at Browns Camp. I was too busy crashing, near-crashing, clipping out like a yellow-bellied sapsucker, having my rear tire slide 90 degrees from the trail off of wet roots, etc. to take any trail pictures. It was fun, but might be more my speed when it was drier rather than after the rain. Or maybe I just need to harden up. As a wiser man than myself once said, "opinions vary".

Did get a group pic at the waterfalls during the ride:

Xtra Cycle...killah! Norman Bates

2009-06-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

3 years in the making, we finally built up the Xtracycle frame that Katie received for turning English into French for Planet Bike. The bike was purchased off of CL for a smooth $150, so all in all a pretty cheap way to conjure up a cargo bike.

I gotta admit, slaving over a hot Specialized Crossroads brought me back to the pseudo-halcyon days of being a bike assembler at Budget, before Specialized decided they didn't want bike shops to sell their stuff if they weren't exclusive. The setup was hard to beat, separate from the retail stores so we could be as faded as we wanted to be while earning some decent dimes. Don't get much chance at the current job to blast Dr. Octagon and crank on canned beer. Then again, I can die happy knowing I'll never touch another Fuji "Marlboro Miles" Folding bike (collectible!), BikeE recumbent, or Raleigh M30 16" Ladies bike, of which the owner got a deal on several hundred.

Here's the (nearly) finished product:

Phil Collins is a hack

2009-06-08T20:36:00.000-07:00

but Levon will set you straight.

ISO Free charter jet to Madison.....

2009-06-06T09:50:00.001-07:00

....last Sunday of every month only

The boys of the abandoned building are still doing it live. I'd pay big money at that kissing booth:

image courtesy of Djonnymac; that flutter in your heart courtesy of ZRCycles

Dope is on the Way!

2009-05-31T08:54:00.000-07:00

A recent flurry of inactivity might possibly end sometime soon. As a recap, this happened:

Turns out I had a class III sprain on all of the major ankle tendons. Recommended!

Which left me doing lots of this:

And very little of this:

But, I did a 2 hr bike ride at Ft. Ord yesterday with some MORCAN's and the cankle doth not protest. My friend Sand has taken over that area and his main man Poison Oak is doing well. My favorite section has been closed for improvements (housing), it appears The Man is also doing well.

Unjustice

2009-04-22T19:06:00.001-07:00

Remember how funny my cankle looked? Well, it is STILL funny, so funny in fact I can't walk without a limp and can't see mountain biking in any near future. In the words of Lorenzo Lamas, "NOT".

At least I got me a gel cast and a negative X-ray today. Called my friend Charlie to keep any and all creeps away from my vulnerable hoof until it's back to solid state.

Purple Cankles

2009-04-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

Some things are good for my ankles, but soccer is not one of them. Like Momma always said....."rub some 'Tussin on that damn shit!"

Outer Foot

Inner Foot

I gotta spend the next three days in rivers gimping around like a wino. Can't complain about a trip to Arroyo Seco though, even if it is for class and we aren't camping overnight but driving back and forth both days. What the hell has happened when geology students don't camp overnight in the field, or even have gear for it? As an undergrad I might have been too hungover to process any new information, but at least I was there sipping brandy by the campfire. Dropped more than more share of "Come Sail Away" songbombs on my fellow students too.

Condor is the new Spirit Wolf

2009-04-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

Snuck off to Pinnacles National Monument this weekend for a well-deserved day and a half break from the working sucker life. Our third trip there, and after getting shut out for California Condor viewing the first two, we got a snoot-full and a half this time. We watched a flock of 8 or 9 buzzing around and over our heads for about 2 hours Saturday.

Katie for scale

I could link to some good photography with telephoto lenses, but who needs that when you can see how a standard digital camera rolls. Pictures don't do their size justice at any rate.

Messing around in the talus caves

Modern day Atlas

Grade A harassling

Purdy as a vulture

Forget it Jake.....it's Shawtown

2009-03-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

Friday. 4 pm. The kind of hour that working stiffs the world over dream about all week long. Not me though. You don't stay in the private dick racket by taking weekends off, and you sure as hell don't look forward to idle time when you got problems like mine. Alimony, taxes, high-arched feet....you name it, I've lived it...twice. Not to mention the owner of the firm, a real Dick, has been breathing down my neck all week about my lack of progress. I'd like to see him handle some of these mugs I'm trailing. Can't wait for the day I give ol' Oney his.

4:15 the phone rings. I stub out my cigarette into the overflowing coffee can and pick it up. Frantic voice on the line.....something about an underpass and a bad man with a bad plan....and a dame. Dammit it sounds like a setup, but I'm a sucker for the dames. One of these days they'll be the death of me, but not today. I gotta get even before I get dead.

I hop on my clunker and head up the ravine. Aguajito is a mess, rich people driving around in nice cars. Should have been my first sign to turn around. These kind of people shouldn't be here. Not now.

I get to the first bridge, right before the hospital, and a hunch tells me I'm about to drum up some business. Underneath the bridge something catches my eye. A plastic bag. I've seen this before, and I swore I could smell that scorched motor oil.

A closer look and it wasn't a body. But what it was sent chills down my spine. What kind of a sick fuck leaves moldy garlic bread for me to find? Where's the dame? And why do I kind of want pasta for supper?

On to the second bridge, where I knew it was Showdown City. I parked the Cross-Check out of site and tipped my ~~bicyling helmet~~ squash hat to cover my face. Something in the same bridge corner as the garlic bread grabbed my eye. A closer look.......and there she was! The dame looked a little roughed up, but was double bagged (our man is a confirmed Safeway shopper), and most importantly had beers.

Some days I don't even know what side I'm on anymore, but once in awhile, for that slimmest of moments, I remember how I got into this mess in the first place. Big things. Things like Justice. Dames. Cycling. Screaming down hwy 68 with yahoos driving the shoulders through corners. So if you see me out there, say a little prayer for me. And God help the day that comes when I finally catch the cat that's been shitting in my garden.

Cold Front

2009-03-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

No dammit, you're not even listening to me, I said COLD FRONT.

Ok that's better. The morning temperatures here have been sniffing near the crack of frozenness this week, and I for one am not used to it. All that nonsense about growing up in winterland doesn't mean you don't get cold, although people wearing coats and/or biking with facemasks here when it is 60 degrees is another story.

What kind of a world do we live in when a grown man can't hop on his excessively nice road bike, don his nancy spandex tights, and put on a silly headband without getting a chill?

The ol' Pike in the sweatshirt trick

2009-02-25T18:56:00.000-08:00

Don't you ever change, west central Wisconsin...........

Contest-winning fish smuggled in sweatshirt

By Theresa Schneider
Leader-Telegram staff

Something smelled fishy at Saturday's Somerset Youth Athletic Association Ice Fishing Contest at Bass Lake: the former winner's sweatshirt.

Lee Shehow of New Richmond, crowned the winner of the contest Saturday, may face criminal charges after admitting to smuggling in the fish to win the contest, keeping it alive in his sweatshirt during the tournament.

Shehow, 38, won Saturday's contest with a 2.42-pound northern pike. Suspicions were raised about Shehow's fish, leading to an investigation, said SYAA spokesman John Montpetit.

Shehow later disqualified himself and gave up the keys to the contest's grand prize, a $27,000 Dodge Dakota pickup truck.

The contest began at noon Saturday. At about 2:30 p.m. Shehow went to the weigh station with his pike.

Undercover investigators at the tournament questioned Shehow's actions. Montpetit said a primary concern was that Shehow bought water at a pace that was inconsistent with what a normal person would drink on a 14-degree day.

Shehow's sweatshirt also was soaked when he turned in his fish to the weigh station.

During the investigation Shehow admitted he hid the pike in his sweatshirt, keeping it alive and later registering it at the weigh station. Montpetit said he could not discuss where the fish came from, but said Shehow admitted to having aquariums in his house.

While no criminal charges have been filed, the case still is under investigation, Montpetit said.

The truck was given Tuesday afternoon to the second-place winner, 26-year-old Monica Slimmen of La Crosse, who caught a 1.72-pound northern pike.

Efforts to contact Shehow on Tuesday night were unsuccessful.

Schneider can be reached at 833-9203 or 800-236-7077.

Return of the Revenge of Rainy Friday Nights

2009-02-14T20:50:00.000-08:00

David Lynch has some awesome hair and talks about using ants and dead rats to make paintings.

Jack Nance at 50 looked like he's 80 and is a good example of how something so innocent sounding (drinking yourself to death) can go so wrong. Funny guy, didn't seem real different from Pete in Twin Peaks, which makes him damn near perfect in my book.

The highlight was Dean Stockwell talking about Dennis Hopper and Blue Velvet. He knew Dennis in real life, and knew just how crazy he was going to play Frank Booth, so he came up with the Ben character being even weirder than Frank. Don't forget, Ben's THE MAN.

Nude Fatties on the Beach

2009-02-11T19:43:00.000-08:00

The lady and I crept up to Ano Nuevo on Monday, which is home to a large (the largest?) rookery of elephant seals every winter.

Started off with a stroll through the redwoods, found a couple of the best guys I know, Newt and Banana Slug:

Don't let the pictures fool you, these guys love being hassled.

This picture looks like I just spent 45 minutes "stocking tubes with Ruckus in the shop basement". Not sure where that face came from.

After our stroll we went to check out the seals. They are maybe the craziest beasts I've seen. They spend half their life diving several thousand feet down in the middle of the ocean for fish, and the other half laying on the beach.

After the pups are weaned, they bunch up in "weaner pods" as seen below. Pups who take multiple mothers become "super weaners" and grow fatter than the other pups, and basically become aggressive dicks.

A group of chuckleheads on our tour couldn't resist asking our elderly guide "how big do the super weiners grow?" She just gave him the straight answer, I think she was secretly pissed she didn't think of it first.

Out of my goddam tree

2009-02-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

It's February, I'm working about 50+ hours a week, taking a class at the local university on stream geomorphology for about another 10 a week, and working in mountain streams seems a lifetime away. Of course, they will probably all be on fire this spring anyway, what with the whole "no rainfall" deal here. So if you see me rolling in to your local Arby's and try to pull some "sorry sir, breakfast is over, no cinnamon sticks for you" bullshit, don't say I didn't warn you:

In lighter news, being around undergraduates never fails to amuse. Get stoked to hear about some warehouse parties in Marina and some professors being "haters".

ThunderJet...but the soul still burns

2009-01-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

Two members of the original Council of Thunder have left for Stump Town and the third rat bastard has taken up residence in Pacific Grove as the official sloganeer:

But in times like this, sometimes there's a man, or maybe less a man than a mirage made from bubba smoke, teflon-taped bottom brackets, and rebuilt Campy shifter pride. Either way, big props to Stoner Dave aka Sketch Brah aka The Man who Wasn't Not Blacked Out when he rode his bike into a small river. Thunder Jet 15 - Quinceanera (15! - that can't be right) is coming this weekend to a frame-building shop on the north side of Madison near you. Stunt that shit, boys.

Laser Eyes

2009-01-23T07:41:00.000-08:00

Going in for LASIK surgery today....operation Dud to Stud commence!

Carrot and Stick

2009-01-21T22:11:00.000-08:00

Carrot

Stick

Donkey

I'm talkin CONFLICT

2009-01-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

Who hasn't slapped the back of some woman's head while they're biking on the Pacific Grove ~~Bike Path~~ Multi-Use Thoroughfare of Joy?

Of course, it hasn't yet gotten to the urban warfare levels of Madison, but I'm thinking about going down to the path this afternoon to try to outsprint some roadies. Perfect time to stretch out my new t-shirt from Twin Six...

Happy Thanksgiving, You Disgusting Man Animals

2008-11-26T10:18:00.000-08:00

Travelling Oroville Villain

2008-09-14T15:41:00.000-07:00

The closest I'd ever been to a methtown was hearing D*Pow talk about Kalamazoo, MI, but after a week near Oroville, CA, I can surmise that it's meth's kinda town. If I wasn't travelling and had my own computer, you would certainly see the above picture improved by hack-level additions of "Here be methheads fucking in the campground bathrooms" and the whole of Lake Oroville turned a red, toiling mess of chemical confoundary. Anyway, it's hard to do this place justice, but let me introduce you to some of Oroville's finest:

Vietnam Vet Guy

Rolled into our campsite around 7 on Saturday night, out for his "daily walk". Luckily, he bothered my coworker Matt (studying for the GRE) and not myself (sipping a beer, doing a crossword). He was crinkling his empty Busch Light can like a madman, seemingly trying to breath new life into it. Next thing we know, we learned all about Asian volcanoes, debris from Lassen Peak's last eruption, and how "the service" taught him how to be safe in a fire: "Just take a deep breath and run in". Likely the same advice given to the troops in 'Nam for navigating hookers. Guy left after he saw a truck slowly driving through the campsite, he proceeded to talk to that guy for about 15 minutes.

Meth Master Bathroom Groovers

A second batch of co-workers showed up late Sunday night, and Allison ventured to the bathroom. Unfortunately for her, what was labeled a bathroom was actuall a public-sex venue, and naked meth master came running out after her after she accidentally barged in.

Meth Master: EXCUUUUUUUSE ME!

Allison: (backs away)

MM: EXCUUUUUUUSE ME!

Allison: What the fuck?

MM: Well, Iiiiii'm sorry (sarcasm dripping like mouthsores)

Allison: I accept your apology, learn how to use a lock (walks away).

The next morning, before I heard about this exchange, I was a little disgusted by the socks under the sink and the cig rubbed out on the floor. Now it makes perfect sense.

Meth Master #2

Guy had some shitty terriers tied to a tree, and told us jokingly to watch out for one of them, "he's a real terror!" By terror, he must have meant that it was going to bark all fucking night long and keep me from getting more than 2 hours of sleep. I know, bad owners, not bad dogs....but still, fuck 'em. Guy told Matt that he and his ol' lady were going into town later, with "my buddy Jim and his girl, we're just going to jump around, ya know, jump around town." Guy had some real fidgety hands, no devil's playground here.

Meanwhile, I was down at Miner's Ranch Saloon to catch Monday Night Football featuring God's Team, The Pack. Here I met....

Lynchian Old Person Folk Band

These guys weren't on the pipe, but definitely on the old. They consisted of two men and one woman, all over 70, playing mandolin, slide guitar, and vocals. You can imagine what people who can't hear sound like when playing an instrument like a slide guitar. Still, I give 'em props for rocking at that age, I hope I'm doing something remotely creative at that point.

Barwench

I liked her style, she kept my drinks filled and gave me a basket of peanuts. She eventually grabbed a handful for herself, and the regulars said something about it, to which she replied "can't a woman eat her nuts in peace?" As expected, the reply of "I'd like to see that!" and "HAR HAR HAR" rang out. She mentioned how excited she was to go see Kid Rock on Saturday...twice. Then she played some Kid on the jukebox, I was pretty excited to have that fucking Cowboy song in my head for a day. I should have asked her if she had any Joe C...."3 feet tall, with a 10 foot dick!"

Reglar 'Merican

Lots of drunk talk from this guy to another pair of regulars, the highlight was when he said "California hands out felonies like Halloween candy!" to the agreement of the other pair. He'd only been in California "a couple months" before he got his, but it was all the fault of "that goddam bitch ex-wife a mine....but you guys have heard that story enough already." I should have piped up that I'd love to hear it, but didn't. I can only imagine the trumped-up charges that were involved, and I'll bet it was her loss to lose such a star. He kept saying he was just going to have one more, cause he had to go home and cook dinner for his dad....."sausage, bacon, biscuits, eggs, Texas Toast". "Oh yaaaa, my dad always liked breakfast too".

TieDye Meth Master

This guy was a real force, he tore up the joint with a quickness. First he bitched about the headlight on his motorcycle probably goddam ground fucking cops man one time gave him a ticket for riding his bike home from the bar.

Barwench: So, you talking to your brother yet?

TDMM: Yeah....if I see him (in a foreboding tone)

Barwench: You talking to your uncle yet?

TDMM: Yeah....if I see him (in a foreboding tone)

My man drank 2 screwdrivers, played a game of pool against another guy, and shot the balls around by himself, all in 15 minutes. Then he left, which prompted Barwench to comment "he's on something". Yeah.....LIFE!

Old Pill Master

OPM: (walks in w/ cane, leaves backpack by bathroom, comes out of bathroom, searches for backpack for 10 minutes, asks Barwench the time)

Barwench: 8 pm.

OPM: Give me a screwdriver.

Barwench: (pours drink that is 99% OJ, 1% vodka, gives it to OPM. Mentions out of earshot that he) "takes too many pills.....mixes em up!"

I don't know which of these characters was the most depressing, but I gotta say it made the people watching interesting. I really should have brought my camera to the bar, next time I'll know.

Last hurrah in the Sierra Nevada

2008-09-05T17:34:00.000-07:00

Leaving for the mountains again for two weeks tomorrow, should be my last field work for the project I've been on for a year and a half. I'll miss being paid to explore the mountains, no doubt.

Last time up I wrangled ol' Matterhorn Peak, which left me sore for 3 days.

Here's a pic from below:

And atop, with Kris:

There was a drop of several thousand feet on one side of the summit, gave me that roller coaster stomach feeling:

I'm hoping to climb White Mountain next Friday, should be a nice long solo hike to let my brain think about the important things in life......

Guaranteed to Satisfy

2008-07-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

I'm off to the mountains for 2 weeks, and I'll be damned if I'm not going to sneak some mountain biking time in between the field work. Mammoth Lakes may be a yuppie resort clowntown, but they got some dirt there.

Sounds like there is a heat wave rolling into Central California tomorrow, and for that there's only one known cure......

Bored on a Thursday

2008-07-03T21:26:00.001-07:00

A rare sighting this morning, a boombox stroller rolling up my quiet street! If you could see this lily-white near-retirement community I live in, you'd be as surprised as I was. Perhaps if I work from home more often, and keep a camera at the ready, I'll be able to capture my Eardley Ave. favorites:

The elderly asian couple who walk their dog, the man always is walking at least 20 feet behind the lady (w/ dog), and they always cross the street over to my side at the same place. Heads down, please.
The urban hiker, a 50 or 60 year old gent who rolls around in fully backpacking gear, with an apparently full backpack. Good style, guy.

Fires are ragin' down here, this picture doesn't do them justice, but the Big Sur complex is slowly making its make up the coast and toward the lab.

4/4 time signatures are for simpletons

2008-06-23T16:14:00.000-07:00

About a week and a half ago, my old chum Prog Rock Rob came down to visit from Oakland. PRR and I met as budding geology students at UW-Madison, and it went downhill quickly from there. What better way to spend a 3-day weekend than to pick up where we left off: drinking too much, making dumb jokes, and singing dumb songs for 3 days?

Friday we went snorkeling down by the lab, and despite some cloudiness we were able to peep on some good stuff. That evening I was eager to show Rob just how terrible the nightlife was here (actually we just wanted to play darts at a bar within walking distance), so after some beers and some grilled food we headed down to (ugh) Cannery Row. Our barhopping was the expected overpriced disappointment, but we did happen to catch a cover band who's leader looked suspiciously like Meatloaf!?
The final song they played was "Whole Lotta Love", and my man Loaf tore the shit out of it. "WOOOOOOMANN! YOU......NEEEEEED.........!!!!" I really wanted to ask him if he did all of his own stunts in "Black Dog", but I couldn't fight through the groupie(s).

Saturday found Rob and I hiking toward Pine Valley in the underused Ventana Wilderness Area. A fine destination, with a view of the fires near Arroyo Seco and a waterfall with swimming hole a mile from camp. Saturday evening found us making friends with a bottle of Maker's Mark, which eventually led to the consumption of some dehydrated gigglers. I really hope we were camped far enough from anyone that they couldn't hear us, or that at the least they had come to the wilderness to hear two idiots sing an hour-and-a-half medley of "Strokin'" and "Poopship Destroyer" at 4 in the morning. I'm sure Dr. C.C. and them Ween boys woulda been proud.

After a late morning hike to the falls, and a freezing cold swim to scare the toxins away, we finally hiked back out to the Progmobile. I'd post some pictures, but they are all on Rob's camera, and by now he's probably written over them with the new King Crimson album.

Have you seen me?

2008-05-31T20:44:00.000-07:00

Short, drunk man seeks 5 mm thread tapper that he bought a month ago. Never used, particularly not used for the one job he had in mind, rethreading the barrel-adjuster threads in his trusty rear der. on his cross bike.

Bombay the Wrong Way

2008-05-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

I'm still in the process of recovering from a hard push to Arroyo Seco over Memorial Day weekend. After ~ 12 hours at home after being in Santa Cruz all week, I kept after it and rode with Katie up Carmel Valley Road to Arroyo Seco on Sat. It's only about 55 miles, but attaching the BOB trailer to my road bike geared with a double was about how I expected...a lot of grinding on the granny gear. Unfortunately, it wasn't until I got there that I noticed the real reason I was going so damn slow....
This was my third time at Arroyo Seco, and I keep appreciating it more each time. It was a little bit of a zoo, but most of the people had left by Sunday night. We had a crew of about 22 that came down from San Francisco, lots of midwesterners doing midwesterner things (slamming beers and eating sausages). Even learned some new slang from a couple of Brits, "Won't you do me a lemon and pass me that....." is the new "Can you do me a favor and pass me that...".

Katie and I thought we would outsmart the hills of our initial route by heading north up the Salinas Valley on the way home, but hadn't counted on the 15-20 mile headwinds. 7 hours later, we were back in Pacific Grove to binge on food and pass out for the night.

Hopefully I'll play soccer tonight and shake some rust out of the old legs. Haven't hit the mtb trails since March, gotta make it happen this weekend.

Firestorm

2008-05-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

Last week's sampling was a little crazy. Not in the protective landowners way (everyone we met in Santa Cruz was pleasant and actively interested in their watershed's health), but in a different kind of way:
Unfortunately, the fires had all of the destruction of Firestorm but none of its motorcycles launching through the skylights of burning ranger stations, spinning Howie Longs jumping out of planes, or dude's heads getting rammed through the top of a canoe and incinerated by the firestorm. I remember when that movie came out and my buddy E Kafka (a firefighter) was pissed off about how unreal it was..."That's Bullshit!!".

Anyway, sucks for the landowners, and sucks (in a much smaller way) for someone like me who's been meaning to make it to the mountain bikes trails up there. Not sure what all got burned, but sounds like some trails might have gotten torched. As they say, nature is a harsh mistress.

Back to the Front

2008-05-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

After a long winter of staring at computer screens and bustin out GIS, I'm returning to the fieldwork side of things this week. We're going up to Santa Cruz to sample 40 sites in and around the San Lorenzo watershed, so I'll be getting wet in the streams all next week. Looking forward to being in streams, NOT looking forward to sampling in a place with such a high density of privately-owned land. Seems like everyone up there grows weed or meth, hopefully they can tell we're pinching bugs from the stream and not their stash.

Never know, my time in the field might be as entertaining and well-documented as last year......

Big Creek, Home of the Big Jilm

2008-05-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

Took advantage of the one time a year that Big Creek is open to the public this Saturday, had a fine day of hiking. No hollering, canned beer, or tiny bikes were involved, but a nice time nonetheless.

Took D*Pow!!'s advice and took in this film Saturday night:

Dark Days

This documentary hangs with the alternatively-homed residents of the New York subway system. It was a little hard to see with the bad lighting and my $20 craigslist TV, but the characters were interesting. Human ingenuity, underground tin sheds, crack-smokery etc. Having DJ Shadow playing pretty constantly is a sure way to get me to enjoy a movie.

I actually liked the special features more than the movie, as they were able to go into more details with the characters, some of whom I couldn't really keep straight since they only appeared once or twice during the movie. If I ever need to learn how to make underground hush puppies with a perfect golden crust, I'm going straight after my man Clarence.

Unfortunately, the filmmaker makes a major blunder by not acknowledging the giants whose shoulders he is standing on.....

Get Ginned Up!

2008-05-01T19:34:00.000-07:00

Awhile back, under the influence of some gin and tonics, I sent my main man Graham an email getting his movie-buff take on "The Darjeeling Unlimited", which I found disappointing compared to Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums. In his reply, he mentioned that he was pretty "ginned-up" for No Country for Old Men to come out, and I gotta say that his parlance struck me. I like equating drinking gin with getting excited about anything, even though gin and movies do not particularly mix if you care to remember the ending.

For example:
Blue Velvet - 5 gins, and maybe even a couple of candy-colored clowns thrown in for good measure.

Batman and Robin - 1 gin. Worst movie I've ever paid money to see.

Drop Dead Fred - NO fucking gins for you. I can't even remember why I hate this movie so much.
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Anyway, today's movie:

I enjoyed Crumb, but probably wouldn't watch it again. I'm not a comic book guy but I've been to some exhibits of his, and anyone with a fondness the The Joynt in Eau Claire has to enjoy Mr. Natural. This documentary shows Crumb boppin' around, being a weirdo, and talking with his insane family. I enjoyed the art and his interactions with somewhat normal people. I liked some of his interactions with his crazy family, but after the 10th interview with his brother Charles who was on tranquilizers and never left his house I was growing a little bored. His other brother who sat on a bed of nails for hours a day and liked to get arrested for pulling down stranger's skirts was quite a gem himself. I did enjoy that the three them had no filters, they just said and drew what was on their mind no matter how sexually perverse, misogynistic, or racist it was.

I would recommend this movie if you have the slightest interest in watching an aging man talking about getting off on piggyback rides. If you're not interested in that, I can't help you.

Hollywood used to dream big.....

2008-04-30T16:21:00.000-07:00

Sleaze Otter

2008-04-22T19:13:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I tend to bitch about the lack of fun times in Monterey. Blah blah Madison this blah blah Milwaukee that. I also have a track record of failing miserably at any biking events, with my only near win taking place at Thunder Pull (where I could use my mass to my advantage). It was never for lack of trying, but usually for lack of not having a debilitating hangover or smoking too many dirt sticks the night before.

Well, this weekend I not only found some old fashioned beering and biking, but I actually managed to win part of a race. But much more importantly, I am now in possession of the King of the Mountains trophy above. She's a real beaut, about 3' tall, 24 oz. of PBR nailed to her sides, a human heart, a dead fly, a laminated bacon picture, and a rubber wiener. This is rampant speculation, but I prospect this is the same heart that one Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P. referred to as "My Wicked Heart". I also suspect this is not the wiener he referred to in "Fuck Like a Beast".

The Sleaze Otter turned out to be a pretty good time. It was my first time participating in an alleycat sort of race, and I went in strong: drunk and wind-burned from a day at Sea Otter, fresh off a near-win game of cribbage, and smelling like pickled trout. I was feeling pretty nauseous and dehydrated, but fortunately I knew the turf. We barged in on a wedding party at Veteran's Park, then climbed up a miserable hill to highway 68. At this point I went ahead in our group of 5, since I know that stretch of road well. That ended up paying off, as I was the first one to cross the King of the Mountains line, which turned out to be on a downhill the way we were heading.

The best part of winning the KOM was that the satisfaction was immediate, as I was given the monstrous trophy on-the-spot. This allowed me to ride the remainder one-handed with the trophy held high in the dark canyon descents, like an Olympic torch with a cock on top for all to see. Let me tell you, the crewcuts rolling around Monterey were straight jealous.

At this point, Katie and I didn't have much interest in rolling 24 miles through the wind to the sixth checkpoint so we headed to the destination. The bowling alley had all we needed, mainly pitchers of water and more beer, along with a fire and some pool. The others in our group continued on to a bar in Marina named Mortimer's, which from all descriptions sounds like a place I need to see. They returned about an hour and a half later, then the other contesters and organizers/zombies rolled in. Prizes were given out, winners were doubted, and I disappointed "Carmel Bob" by DNFing, who claimed there was a cash prize I would have won. Carmel Bob's voice sounded suspiciously like Madison's own Joe Gower and he had the same habit of retrieving pork chops of Hamm's from his bag, but he didn't light off any bottle rockets in the bar or get kicked out so he must be a different dude.

Good times, and I'll be keeping my peeper's peeled for more ridiculous shit to add-on to the trophy during the next year it is in my possession. And of course, I'll be making vague plans of photo-shopping into Hitler's outstretched hand, getting stuck in the ground at Iwo Jima, and getting planted in the moon, but never actually do shit. You know how we do.

Who let this guy in my house?

2008-04-05T13:29:00.001-07:00

Monterey Bars

2008-04-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

I don't go out much in Monterey. In fact, I've been legitimately boozed at a bar here once since New Year's. Last night was a good reminder why it's more productive to sip on cheap beers at home.

We went to a place called "The Mucky Duck" to watch a friend's band play. Monterey is home to a Naval Academy and several other military programs, and the downtown area is filled with crewcuts with getting blitzed/laid on the mind. Not my scene these days, but made for some good people watching. My two favorites were:

-The band played an Etta James song with the word "fire" in the title. Everytime fire was sung, all of the drunk cadets pointed to the gas bonfire in the middle of the patio and laughed like it was some really clever shit. Me know fire! Keep in mind, it was only 8 pm.

-There was a group of two couples behind me. The dudes had degenerated into pure nonsense talk, communicating only making bubbling noises with their mouths. This was slightly amusing, but I really liked it when one of them made this move: "Hey, man, you're one of my best friends, and I gotta tell you something.........beepblleooblloopbleeepbloo (etc.)". That's the kind of nonsense I can get behind.

Smokey Longdiq does Yosemite

2008-03-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today's post comes from a small friend with a big adventure streak, who might just be big enough to have his own blog someday if he keeps up his hijinx. Meet Smokey Longdiq (nee John Henry), a hard-working feller who came to us from the streets of Madison, and made his way out to California.
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Got to my tent cabin at the Yosemite Bug on Thursday evening. The gracious hosts had even provided a lady of the evening, but she was looking a little atrophied.

But hey, beggars can't be choosers......

Midway up Yosemite Falls

Looking down from Upper Yosemite Falls

Half-Dome in the background

Back at the lodge, I decided I'd have a beer, but this time I'd just have one

We all know how that turned out

Apparently at some point during the night, I decided it would be a good idea to send a picture of my touch-hole to the ex- on my celly....

After 3 days of hiking, skiing, and $4 Sierra Nevada Bigfoot taps, I decided to call it a trip and pop back in the hoopty

Death Wish

2008-03-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

After a lot of talk, I finally watched Chaz. "The Beautiful Monster" Bronson in Death Wish last Thursday night. There were definitely some moments, but I'll take Death Hunt anyday. We were thinking that Death Wish I might have just been setting the stage for the sequels, I guess there is only one way to test that theory.

A picture is worth a thousand wizards

2008-03-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

I think we all know who's going to win this fight.....

LabCabinCalifornia

2007-04-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

All right suckaz, it's been awhile, but here are some highlights of my wayward trip west thusfar:

-guy playing 3 didjaridoos and a conga on Pearl Street in Boulder

-hostel worker in Monterey playing terrible songs on the piano and un-tuned guitar, teaching girl scouts to play shitty irrelevant protest songs

-looking for a place to hike near Mammoth Lakes, finding a naked guy taking a picture of his SUV instead - guess I'll be staying away from the hot springs

-while hiking on a Forest Service road yesterday i saw a large shirtless man descending by me on a Magna 10-speed, I turned around to discover that he was also sans-pants

-saw an Indian playing his wood flute to the tune of the Scorpions' "Gorky Park" on Sunday, complete with cheesy new age synthetic sounds in the background. this was at Pacific Grove's "Ol' Time Days", also known as vendors on a street

-plenty of sea otters and sea lions

-the acquaintance with the world's worst bike path, so slow and filled with mindless tourists, brats pushing each other all over the path, and all other imbiceles to be rendered of no use

-a drunk southerner at a gas station talking shit about the kinds of chew available. he just got done playing pebble beach and was going to play another course the next day, so he probably spent more in two days than i make in a year

2007-02-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

Milwaukee Santa Rampage

2006-12-19T15:10:00.000-08:00

DP, Katie and myself took part in the Santa Rampage this year. It started out a little tame, but only got better as the day progressed. Highlights included mini-bowling, tons of honking from cars, a Mall rush, Dan's flask, drinking with some rummies at Mary's place, and other highlights somewhat-blurrily remembered. The moral of the story is that bikes/bowling/booze is fun, it's okay to be done with your Saturday partying by 5 pm as long as there is Mexican food to be had, and do not try to mimic synchonized circular headbanging (ala Metallica ...And Justice era) while on a fixed gear or you might give your friend's finger a meat puppet.

Blood, Gravel and Beers - click to enlarge

Hollow Weenis

2006-10-26T17:40:00.000-07:00

Dactyl's Halloween Race coming up this saturday, see here for details.

-Lord Hayden

BiThunderathlon

2006-10-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

Sure was a nice time out there at the ol' farmstead for the biathlon. Beer, bb's, abandoned coon-infested farmhouse destroyed, hijinks. Check out the kittenfactory.blogspot.com for some pics, or wait a couple of months until I get around to posting some here.

Go small or go home

Bithunderthon

2006-10-10T04:21:00.000-07:00

An Olympic style biathlon with tiny bikes, a skull beer bong and a BB gun. What more do you need to know? Taking place this Saturday around 1 pm at Phil's farmland in Columbus.

Directions:

Continue on US-151 N - go 19 mi
Take the WI-16 exit 118 to Columbus (WI-60)/Portage - go 0.3 mi
Turn right at WI-16 E/WI-60 E - go 0.3
Bear right at WI-16/WI-60 - go 4.0 mi
Turn right at CR-TT - go 0.6 mi
Turn left at CR-T - go 0.2 mi
Turn left at Bassett St - go 0.1 mi
Arrive at Bassett St
Phil's place is the last driveway on the right hand side, N3492 Bassett St

email boognish50@hotmail.com for any more details, ride sharing etc.

Thunder Threat Pics 2

2006-08-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

In an unprecendented manner of having things together, the glorious ThunderCross was followed in less than one month by another glorious event: THUNDER THREAT! If you were there, you might vaguely remember the details. For those absent, there was a big ol' hill, 2 tiny bikes, a dual slalom course, wet and bumpy grass/weeds, approx. 5 cubes of PBR, lots of Darkness, lit-up traffic cones, lots of yelling, and most suprisingly of all: no injuries!! In the end Lyle took the crown in what was likely the quickest run of the night. Another great event, and I do say so myself.

Rumors of a libertarian event in the farmlands of Phil Scharine are circulating like so much wildfire that we will likely cause. ThunderFlamingPalletPlowPondJumpSwayze is taking form, so don't let those Fall blues get ya down.

Thunder Threat Pics 1

2006-08-30T16:55:00.000-07:00

Giving Steve Jobs

2006-08-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

Things that suck:
iBook's that are locked in French mode
iBook's that crash everytime I try to upload ThunderCross pictures
being in a library

Things that rock knocks:
Thunder Threat at 6:30 this Saturday at Elver Park
looking at ThunderCross pictures at www.wiscpunk.org/kristydactyl/thundercross/

See you suckaz on Saturday

Return of the Tiny Bike

2006-08-20T13:16:00.000-07:00

Due to recent debauchery, bike sales, job searching, apartment cleaning, job finding and moving to Milwaukee, I've been a first-class clucker when it has come to updating this here website. Not only have I failed to produce a write-up for the bestest ThunderJet ever (ThunderCross!!), but the next ThunderJet is but 6 days away and I don't have the flyer up yet. Fear Not! I am back in the saddle and ready to spew my nonsense across the info superhighway. Pics from ThunderCross and the flyer for TJet: Dual Slalom - Lip Gloss vs. Vertical Threat will be up early this week. They'd be up today if hotmail wasn't played out, but I'll get it for y'all soon, or you can email me at boognish50@hotmail.com for a flyer. Til then:

TJet Dual Slalom
Saturday, August 26th
Elver Park
6:30 pm

I believe Revolution Cycles is having a party all day that may be migrating out there. A core crew will be out there early trying to establish a proper course. If a meeting time to bike out there comes to light, you'll read it here first (though it might be a month from now).

Lord Hayden - TJet Hype Man

edit: for an instant fix, go to www.kittenfactory.blogspot.com for the flyer and so much more bike buggery!

2006-07-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

Oh Yes!!! We will meet around 6, somewhere in Quann Park. I'll post a meeting point if one is established, if not you can drunkenly stumble around until you find some stumblin' drunks!

Thunder Pursuit

2006-05-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

A belated description of the mighty Thunder Pursuit........

A rainy Saturday scared all but the most serious of track cyclists/boozehounds away from the Thunder Pursuit, but the confluence with Lyle's Alley Cat race guaranteed a healthy turnout. Those new to the event were baffled at first, but once Sleight White and Earl took to the course it was on. Dan Powell returned from his 1-race cheating ban to succesful cheat against the heavy favorite Lord Hayden. More hyjinx ensued, included many races involving unknown fixie dudes.

The conditions guaranteed that the races could only last a matter of time before someone crashed onto the ground. Veelander and J-Mac tested your narrator's booze-addled attention span with an epic race included many near catches and reversals of fortune. DP helped Vee immensely by yelling in his face. Throughout all the races the crowd in the gazebo screamed relentlessly for loss of limb and life - mission accomplished.

In the end the sleightest White salvaged victory and was rewarded with the jersey of foulness. I think it's safe to say that we all learned a lot, saved the children, and got 'faced in the name of tiny bikes.

2006-05-11T17:41:00.003-07:00

DP screaming for Vee's blood

2006-05-11T17:41:00.002-07:00

The catch

2006-05-11T17:41:00.001-07:00

Solemn Stoners

2006-05-11T17:41:00.000-07:00

Sketch bike

2006-05-11T17:40:00.003-07:00

Sketch Blur

2006-05-11T17:40:00.002-07:00

The sign in

2006-05-11T17:40:00.001-07:00

Homoerotic Pursuit

2006-05-11T17:40:00.000-07:00

Full head O' steam

2006-05-11T17:39:00.001-07:00

Earl vs. Sleight

2006-05-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

2006-05-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

DP Cheats

Thunder Hype

2006-04-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

Hey suckas: Just a last minute hype for the Thunder Pursuit this Saturday. The flyer was a little too vague, so here's the scoop: The bikes are provided, the beer-drinking is mandatory, looks like it's going to rain, and the competition will be fierce. Bring some beer and a good flat pair o shoes. Yeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-04-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Thunder Jet 7: Thunder Pursuit
Saturday, April 29th 6:30 pm

Thunder Pursuit

2006-04-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

Rampant rumors circulate of a head-to-head Thunder Pursuit taking place on Saturday, April 29th. Two Jets circling the gazebo at Orton Park, with delirious spectators screaming for blood. More details to come....

2006-03-07T20:26:00.000-08:00

The moustache party was a(n) (a)rousing success. Some left with a new-found sense of purpose, most with a hangover.

2006-03-07T20:21:00.000-08:00

Oh My!! Michael Hutchence seems to approve

2006-03-07T20:20:00.000-08:00

Used Car salesman w/ smokin' deal

2006-03-07T20:19:00.000-08:00

Jesus Walks

2006-03-07T20:18:00.001-08:00

Herbie Mann gets even sexier

2006-03-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

hmmmm

2006-03-07T20:17:00.000-08:00

Dude with the beer seems pissed

2006-03-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

Pride Wars 2

2006-03-07T20:15:00.001-08:00

Nerd Brah

2006-03-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

New-Age bumpkins

2006-03-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

Chicago Pride-fight

2006-03-07T20:13:00.001-08:00

Sparkles with flava

2006-03-07T20:13:00.000-08:00

White Cole's bad mark

2006-03-07T20:12:00.000-08:00

Luke and Jill

2006-03-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

Juan McNeil

2006-02-06T09:14:00.000-08:00

Coming at ya with a crazy pitch

2006-02-06T09:07:00.000-08:00

The toast of the town

2006-02-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

Awesome!

ThunderJoust for the 0 - Seis, Suckas!

2006-02-06T08:37:00.000-08:00

Mere words cannot do justice to the ridiculous event that was the ThunderJoust. Z-Roc managed to have his lip severed before the start, but there were (suprisingly) no major injuries. Beer was chugged, knights were slain, and the crowd actively encouraged violence. Josh, DD, and Rick Allen all advanced to the finals, and in the end 'twas DD who slayed the dark lord Josh and was bestowed with the Jersey most foul and stagnant. A squire from the local journal wandered by and stole our souls, perhaps we shall be notorized. Due to its most excellent nature and the absence of DP, it was decided that another Joust shall be held within a fortnight or two. Expect more dragons, more maidens fair and savaged, and more Turkey Legs!!
--Lord Hayden

2006-02-06T08:34:00.000-08:00

This is what a real winner looks like, kids

2006-02-06T08:32:00.000-08:00

Z-Roc haulin

2006-02-06T08:29:00.001-08:00

The lances and the ponies

2006-02-06T08:29:00.000-08:00

Juan Mac with a little horseplay

2006-02-06T08:21:00.000-08:00

This looks about right

2006-01-27T17:43:00.000-08:00

THUNDER JOUST!!!!!!

ThunderPull

2005-11-14T15:35:00.000-08:00

Once again the magical world of children's bicycles and alcoholics collided with the 6th ThunderJet of '05. Between the police presence, the windstorm, and the stench of Brittingham Brine a good ol' time was had by all. The tractorpull format somehow worked despite the lack of planning and the usual last minute fuckery. Time trial action seperated the wheat from the chaff, and the doubleweight semifinals pitted the venerable Lord Hayden (your cheeky narrator) versus V, and Sketchy D aka Stoner Dave aka Sketch Braaahhhhh..... vs. James. James and V advanced to the last pull, and it was James by several cinderblocks at the line. James is now the proud owner of the first TJet medal, and she's a real beaut! Everyone celebrated with unprecedented standing around drinking, but scattered before Two Beats could swoop in with any open container fines.

An adhoc commitee is surely working on the next Jet format, I hear those guys like to play a game of drunken broomball once the ice forms to help the creative juices flow.

2005-11-14T15:31:00.001-08:00

Lush life

2005-11-14T15:31:00.000-08:00

James the Champ